my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
