im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
