she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
