dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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