I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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