I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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