Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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