I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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