i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
