don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
