Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
