I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have post one night stand depression
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