Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
