Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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