the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
