found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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