he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
