I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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