im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
