Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
