We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
