my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
