ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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