when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
