Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
