I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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