dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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