Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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