If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
