Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
