Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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