Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
