My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you had me at cake vodka
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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