i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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