We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
