I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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