I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize