babies were throwing up all over the place
Quick, to the slutcave!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
