i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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