i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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