my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We have started to decorate penises.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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