My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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