Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
