Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
