12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
