16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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