If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
