So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
