Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
