Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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