they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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