I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
