My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
