We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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