you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
