Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
