his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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