He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
