Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
