ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
