My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
