I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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