I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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