Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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