Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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