like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
