I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
