i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
