i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know, be my cock's hype man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
