Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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