Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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