Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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