I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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