I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
