Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
