When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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