In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
