im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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