I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
