come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
