you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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