good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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