Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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