I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
