I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
