It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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