that's an acceptable place to lick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
