If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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