piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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