The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize