the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
