end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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