I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
