Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
