Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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