I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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