Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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