she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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