PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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