you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize