We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
