I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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