I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come on in and take your pants off
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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