i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
