my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
