making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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