I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
