So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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