mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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