I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize