she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
