Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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