This is not my ceiling
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
