And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
